Naming, and Renaming, Our Parts

Do your parts have names? How do you go about naming them? Do your parts give themselves names, or is there another part of you that names your parts? I know some people whose parts have very creative and interesting names, and I've always been curious about how peoples' parts get their names. Mine generally do not give me specific names to call them by. Most of them get their names from how they show up in my system or their ages, so I have an eight-year-old part, a "gotta get it right" part, and an "analytic part," among others.

This week, something happened that hit what I at first called my "people-pleasing part" very hard. This part has told me for years that if I don't give people exactly what they want, when they want it, and how they want it, that I'm a terrible, selfish person. It is clearly protecting an exile who feels unworthy. To keep the exile holding this intense unworthiness at bay, this part identifies with the needs of other people lightening-quick and moves to appease to prevent any fallout (classic fawning/appeasing response). I could see how this part makes it challenging for me to establish and maintain limits, especially in the face of pushback. And this part can make it very challenging for me to feel any compassion or empathy for myself.

As I sat with this part, it let me know, pretty quickly, that it didn't like being called the "people pleasing part." That it felt judged by this label. I asked it what it would like to be called, and it said the "empathizing part." It let me know how hard it worked and how proud it was of being able to be empathetic to others. It showed me how it has always, even when I've been on the receiving end of pretty terrible behavior, shown me the other person's humanity. This part is absolutely ferocious about everyone's humanity, and I love that about this part. It showed me that its behavior exists on a spectrum, depending on my level of nervous system activation, from a gentle empathy to fully stamping out my needs in order to focus on the needs of others, if it feels that's what's warranted. I sense how other-focused it has had to be in order to keep me safe, and I saw how it influences me in my day-to-day life in both subtle and sometimes extreme ways.

This part feels happy that I can appreciate its talents and skills, and it's happy being called the "empathizing part," at least for now. I remain curious and open to potential future name-changes as well, as I get to know this part even more. I'd love to hear about how your parts get their names!